making a list.. checking it twice...

wait that's the wrong holiday...
maybe what I mean to say is... is... are there Halloween songs? I feel like there should be but now I can't think of any... hmmm. well anyway.
I made a list last week on the blog and have had a fun and enlightening week of checking it off. (Literally I kept forgetting what was on the list so I checked it way more than twice...) And this blog post will complete it. I had fun completing all of the things, but I also realized some things along the way... The always funny thing about me is that I think I can fix me. I think that making a list or a change, getting my hair cut or my nails done, drinking more coffee or having a glass of wine, might change me, but I was / am / foreverwillbe mistaken. If I think that it is possible to add value or purpose to my life by making a small list, I've lost track of what I really need. This week was a completely broken and sweet reminder of that. I cannot change simply by adding things to my To Do list. I need a heart change. And that doesn't come from me. I used to wish it was that easy - that I could just do a couple of quick things and I'd be fine, but I know that if I could change myself - if something I did could add value to me, I would lose sight of something so much more important. And that is the fact that there is someone much more powerful than me, who created me, who loves me, and He alone not only says I am valuable, but he makes me valuable (when let's face it, I am the ultimate suck *Thank you 8th grade Bible study for that lesson*). And even though I don't always understand those things and I don't always feel like they are true, I know in the deepest parts of who I am that they most definitely are true. The Creator of the Universe called me and He can see better than anyone else how much of a mess I am and still he covers it - not because he doesn't know it's there, but because he loves me and knows that I could never be enough. Only Jesus is enough. And that reminder was so painful to get to this week, but I know it is true and I will make the effort to be faithful in the small things and try to trust that He is at work in me. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true.

The cool part about a list like this is that, even though there were meltdown moments this week, there were also some really fun moments. Even though a list like this doesn't fix my circumstance or heart, most of these items caused me to slow down and take a deep breath and evaluate and enjoy life - and that was the point. So, make your own list and bravely check things off. Force yourself to take a step outside of yourself and actually see the world around you. I don't think you'll regret it...
I don't have pictures of everything on the list, but I did manage to snag a few:

Here is a picture of Scarecrow Treats. Got this recipe from here - It's Mix and Match Mama :) I have referenced Shay's blog before and truly she has become my go to for fun and simple treats. I did burn my finger on this one, but it healed nicely and I know these were a hit at my sister's Halloween party tonight :) I also made these Sweet and Salty Oreos (not pictured which is unfortunate because they turned out so pretty!) and they were super easy!!!

Here are a couple from the Dallas Arboretum. I am seriously considering becoming a member! It was so wonderful - despite the ridiculous traffic on 635 that made me want to die. Luckily I was in good company and we had wine with us so as soon as we found a spot to "set up camp" we opened a bottle of wine and it was smooth sailing from there!

LOOK AT THESE COLORS!!!! (photo cred to Deb :)

This is my current background on my work computer, which just makes me happy :)

Pumpkin carving was an adventure too... I tend to be a little ambitious when it comes to pumpkin carving... but I usually have a stencil. This time not so much. I just drew it on the pumpkin and started carving. There were panic moments along the way, but overall we were so pleased with all of the pumpkins!

Then last night I had a relaxing hour or so to walk around the children's department of Barnes and Noble. I love that place. It is happy :) The first book I read, I just fell in love with...
Here it is pictured... It's called "The I'm Not Scared Book." I figured I would like it just based on the title alone. And it did not disappoint.
The last page was my favorite:
Sometimes we are scared of things because we don't understand them.
When you are afraid, tell someone why and maybe you won't be scared anymore. The End. Love, Todd
How true and such a good reminder, especially for me :)


And then I got to end my evening with a cup of decaf pumpkin spice - it was glorious, as Ali would say. I want to be clear that even though this list was great and honestly fun to complete, it is not what fulfills me. The list does not complete any part of me and there were still rough moments of this week, as I imagine there always will be... But I am so glad I did it. Sometimes it is so nice to take a step back and re-evaluate and do things that you know are good for you. Like drink coffee and read children's books. Simple. Precious. Life.

PS

jar salad caution

So I found a great pin on Pinterest a few weeks ago: Jar Salad. Jar Salad! How has this never been invented before?! Am I right??? The idea is so simple and looked like it would really ease the stress of work week lunches so I jumped on board. I made four jar salads on Monday evening for the week. Typically I do not re-use recipes. I make things one time and then move on to others. Of course there will always be the defaults: spaghetti, burrito bowl, roasted vegetables, but most of my recipes are one hit wonders and never appear on stage again. And not because I don't enjoy cooking them or because they are just too big of a pain, but mostly because I just don't want to do it again. The jar salads, however, would be different. I decided that this was a genius way to pack lunch for the week once and then not have to think about it. I got all my ingredients together, made quinoa (I know, impressive) and the whole process took less than 30 minutes. I was so pleased. And my jars were so pretty! LOOK!

So I went on my merry way to work on Tuesday and loved lunch. It was so easy and cute and fun. And it tasted great! The dressing goes in the very bottom (point being it doesn't touch the lettuce until you are ready to eat it) so it didn't get wilty or anything. Gold Star for this recipe :) And clearly, I enjoyed it...

But then the week happened and it was a busy week for all of us. I brought the salad on Wednesday and Thursday and even Friday. Yay me! Gold Star for Katie :) On Friday, however, the salad looked... well... different. And I was concerned so decided that I just couldn't eat the salad again. I'm sure it would have been fine and I'm sure this is not because of my extreme concern with food going bad or my despise of leftovers, but something was happening to the onions throughout the week as they sat in the dressing and it was not pretty. The beautiful salads I had made had turned questionable at best and I just couldn't.
So I threw it away :( I think maybe the oil in the fridge was a problem too... The only word I can think to use is that it was congealing... (ew. insert medical mask emoticon here).

I still think you should try this method. Maybe without dressing in it? Or maybe only making 2-3 jars at a time. Don't go nuts like I did... Use Caution- with food prep, it'll be one of your best allies...

the longest month of my life

I was thinking yesterday that this has got to be the longest month ever! October seems to be neverending, which normally would be okay with me. I love fall weather and pumpkin everything. But for some reason this year I am having a hard time getting into the fall spirit. Maybe it's because the pumpkin spice latte came out in August this year (curse you, Starbucks!) :( :( :( okay I take it back. I know better than that. Never, ever curse Starbucks... But seriously something weird is happening this October and it seems to be the month that goes on and on and on and on and on and on... Today I woke up and much to my despair realized there is still A WHOLE NOTHER week left in this blessed month. I started out being super frustrated with this discovery, but realize there's nothing I can do about it so the only other option was to figure out a way to enjoy it. And I want to really enjoy it because I know myself and about the time it's over, I am going to be wishing for October again. Oh my restless heart. 

So since I want to really live it up this October, I am making an "end of October bucket list" You may recall my recent victories with short term goals. Well, this will be similar to short term goal setting, but better :) I am so excited to present to you my last week bucket list. 

Katie's Plan to Celebrate October

1. Make fun Halloween Treats

2. Drink a pumpkin spice latte in a "for here" mug

3. Go to the Arboretum

4. Make butternut squash soup

5. Be outside for a consecutive 15 minutes (at least) everyday

6. Watch You've Got Mail (most likely with Keila)

7. Carve a pumpkin

8. Watch Football
9. Write 2 blog posts

10. Enjoy pre-daylight savings time with a glass of wine on a patio.
11. Spend some time in the children's book section of Barnes and Noble.

So next week, I will update you on my progress with this list as I celebrate the last week of this ridiculously long month. Don't forget to celebrate the end of October this year! Chances are, you will be a completely new person by the time it comes around again :)



saying see ya, September!

maybe a little late ish considering we're a week into October... but still...
September was a month comprised with ups and downs. I thought that there was no way to redeem a month of that much turmoil, but it turns out that even the hardest months can have some redemption. The last week of September came with the small amount of relief that I needed to still have faith in Septembers. And it was awesome.

The week began with the kick off to a much anticipated season. Autumn had finally arrived. To commemorate the day, my roommates and I had planned a Happy Fall Party! We totally stole the idea from one of my favorite blogs: shullfamily.blogspot.com
Shay Shull is a super sweet, really down to earth girl, who has a heartbeat for cooking, her family and the Lord (not quite in that order!) She is great and you should read her blog too. I have tried out several of her ideas, but this one was by far my favorite. Every year she and her friends do a post Labor Day scarf exchange (think white elephant gift exchange). I told my roommates about it and we just couldn't handle it; so we hosted a scarf exchange of our own! And it was way too much fun. We had it in our home and made lots of fun Fall desserts and snacks. We had almost 20 girls come and bring scarves and we laughed as we exchanged them. There were some super cute scarves and these women were ruthless about stealing. (Well most of them. My sweet friend, Brittany, didn't want to steal because she thought that the scarf looked so good on one of the other girls :) I love my friends!!! We had the best time :) The group was made up of different people from different parts of our lives so as their number came up, each girl had to share who they were and how they were connected to the group. It was so fun to bring together women from all different parts of our lives to hang out for one evening. A huge THANK YOU to Shay for this awesome idea :)
Here we are at the end of the party with our new scarves:

Then the week flew by and I could tell that a change in weather was coming. I was housesitting for my parents and loving the quietness and comfort of the house I grew up in - the only house I can remember from my childhood.

On Friday night, my oldest sister, Abby came into town. Now, I love my family. Anyone who knows me knows that, and I absolutely treasure any time we all get to spend together, but every once in a while a weekend happens that is unreal. We just click and understand each other and things flow so easily. It all just seems simple. And this was one of those. We had sibling dinner at Ali's comfortable home and then went out for pumpkin spice lattes (decaf and in "for here" mugs) and laughed some but mostly cried because sometimes life is more complicated than we expect and sometimes there is more pain than we are willing to let on to just anyone. But in the safety of these sisters, there is comfort and rest - not because of us, but because of the Lord. The One who created us and placed each of us in our family carefully orchestrated each of our minds to be at certain points for that moment and there was pain, but there was also hope. We chatted for a couple of hours that night before we had to head back to my parents to welcome them home from vacation. And then the rest of the weekend was peaceful and joyful. My grandparents joined us and my aunt and her family. We celebrated my favorite man on earth and rejoiced in the fact that he was born 56 years ago and graciously given to us as a Dad. Little man pulled up on one of his push toys and took a few steps with the help of the toy on wheels and the women went to a craft show while the men watched football. And for the weekend everything just was fine - better than fine, actually it was great. We have a gracious God and the love of family and couldn't have asked for more. All of us had endured pretty rotten Septembers. We needed some relief and some hope and just some home - to remind us who we are and who we want to be. And it was given to us. We left that weekend so sad to go, but so thankful for the gift to have had time together again.

September was a rough month and I was so ready to say goodbye, but the last weekend truly redeemed a whole month of questioning and uncertainty. I am thankful for Fall, for cool weather and change, for football and family and friends, and for a God who loves me and meets a need before I can speak a want.

Still, I was okay with saying "See ya, September!" And so happy to move on to October. The weather is remarkable and the people seem refreshed (probably from not having to endure 100 degrees on their drive to work). Maybe a week late, but Happy October, World! I hope you were as happy to see it coming and I was :)

so you think to yourself...

if I run a half marathon, then I will be a runner.
So you train
from January til April, increasing mileage weekly but never looking ahead to what the next week might hold. On Sunday of week 4, you know that if you run 5 miles, you will call it a miracle, but you can't possibly think ahead to the coming weeks when you will run 7, then someday 9 - all leading up to the big day, when you will run more than double that measly little run of week 4. Week 4 is tough. Many of your longer run days feel like make it or break it days, but for some reason week 4 is a deciding factor. But you make it through and you settle into your "easy" three mile run on the first day of week 5 trying not to acknowledge that there is no turning back now. And you are scarily aware that three miles has become an easy run. In these moments pride mixes with anxiety and knowing that you will burst if you linger for one moment longer on the truth that there are many, many more miles to come, you concentrate instead on each step. Just one foot in front of the other. Simple. Methodic. Rhythmic. And pace after pace your stress eases.

Then suddenly its 9 mile day. You are painfully aware that you have not completed all of the miles you should have logged by now, but you remind yourself that you are in charge - that you decide what your legs will do and even though breathing is not always at it's best, you pray for deep breaths and little anxiety and you prepare. You eat the right thing and you drink the right amount of water and you give yourself an out by saying that if you need to walk, you can walk. And then it's just you, on the road, running first your three mile loop (easy) and then your four mile loop (harder, but done). So you've run 7 and now 2 doesn't seem bad at all. So you keep going. Your app tells you that you've hit 8.5 and you want to stop, but you don't - partly because you want Sonja Richards Ross to congratulate you and partly because at this point half a mile is a cake walk. And you complete it. You thank Tegan and Sara for their distracting new album and you tell yourself that now you know you can do it because you ran 9. And after 9 you would only have to do an easy three mile and then a one mile and then .1 and you can hardly believe it.
Despite the fact that in the last few months, you have dealt with sore muscles, breathing struggles, black outs, inclement weather (including rain, sleet, and below freezing temperatures), negativity, and that pesky voice in your head asking you what in the world you are doing, you are somehow proud... and glad. And now you feel like a runner. The next four weeks of training fly by in a blur as you have taken even further steps to be prepared. You quit drinking Dr. Pepper and you realize you are sleeping better than usual. You feel great - maybe better than you have ever felt. And on race day, you have a blast - more on race day later. It was an incredible experience!

So you would think that after that (and maybe a week or so of rest), you would keep it up - at least so that three miles can still be considered easy. But summer happens and it's hot. And there's not an end goal and you have a million excuses, but really it's mostly laziness. So maybe it didn't work for you. Maybe you're not a runner afterall, even though you have a sticker on your car proudly broadcasting the 13.1....
Then there's a day like today. The weather is so perfect, it feels like it would be wrong to not run. In your head you know that three miles used to be easy, but your body does not remember that time. So you barely survive two, but that's okay. A year ago, you would have said that beautiful days like today are for sitting outside and reading or laying out a blanket and napping on the grass, but today you went outside and could only think of one thing... And excited you grab your tennis shoes. Oh no. It happened. And you decide maybe, just maybe it did work for you. Maybe, just maybe you became a runner.

Days like today are meant for one thing....
I promise you if I can do it, you could too :)

new life calling

On Tuesday, my mom texted me in stress mode because she was packing for my dad's big wig business trip and she needed help. We go through this just about every time she is going to some thing la di da with my dad. So I went straight from work and explored her closet. She tried on some things and we picked out some outfits and then decided to return the new pants she had purchased (we just weren't convinced about the capri-length legging in those colors... she had gotten a greenish color and an orangey color - bold choices that I was so proud of, but just not working with anything she already owned...) Then I asked what she was planning to wear to their one nicer-ish event. She said this was one outfit she already knew she liked so she put it on. Now, my mother is beautiful - she's got amazing legs and recently has slimmed quite a bit - so this shirt that she has had for a little while and loved now had a problem. It was far too big. Always a subject you want to tread lightly on because when someone is already loving what they have on, you don't want to throw off that confidence, but I also could not let my mama wear that white tuxedo-looking shirt. It wouldn't have been right. So I told her that, even though I love the idea, the shirt just looks a little... well big... which let's be honest, is the best problem you can have. We searched her closet again and found another top that would work, but I could tell she wasn't loving it... Then she asked if we should go shopping. I mean I am definitely not one to turn that down so with exactly 18 minutes until I had to be at Bible study, I ran frantically around Chicos with my mother. Chicos would not always be my first choice (it tends to be a little older looking, and just not my mom's style), but the tuxedo shirt she had loved so much came from there so we went in search of the exact same thing, just a couple of sizes smaller. Well, they didn't have it. And we needed something. Now.

Challenge Extended.

I proceeded to run through racks in the store and found two or three options, one of which I already knew was my favorite - a beautiful red shirt with a pretty neckline and not too much cling. Something I would love to borrow (which I knew would be a selling point). She tried it on and it was love at first sight and did I mention it was RED?! Major progress for a woman who consistently drifts toward the neutral side. So, she bought it! (and the crowds went wild!)
Then with my time up and my mission accomplished, I flew out the door and down the street for Bible study. On the drive I realized that the fashion panic moments are my fave. There should be a TV show about that or something. It's the last minute, I have to have something that works now, and I want to love it attitude that fuels my fire. With people I know, I love to find things that work for them - something a little bit out there, but still very them. Usually I can find it in their closet (when it's your own clothes, it's easy to forget the potential there). But I don't mind shopping for something new at all :)
So I now think this is my new life calling... I will be the go-to for fashion emergencies... And designing the business card now...

Here's the shirt my mom bought (on a model - maybe I can talk my mom into doing a photo shoot for my blog) - oh and everything in the store that day was 40% off! It was like the stars aligned for us :) :)

Click here to see for yourself!

weekend of labor

This weekend (specifically yesterday) I had to make a pretty big decision. For those of you who know me, you probably gritted your teeth at that thought. I struggle with decisions - well I guess I should say I struggle with some decisions. Sometimes I can answer immediately - for example, yes, I will always want mustard on my hotdog and no I do not want to dive with sharks or swim across the Atlantic - easy. decision made. However, this was one of those life changing, feels like I am paralyzed, how am I ever supposed to know what I am supposed to do, what is the meaning of life type of decisions and so, I panicked. Completely and utterly and ugly cried for about two hours as my precious family tried to console me.

Fact: no one can make this decision except for you. oh greeeeaaaaaattttttt.

Fact: either way you are going to be okay. ya right. this one is definitely going to kill me.

Fact: God will never leave you or forsake you. I am pretty sure I believe that but it doesn't feel like it.

Katie: ugly cry, ugly cry, ugly cry

It's like I just wanted someone to tell me that I no longer had the choice, but instead I had to do whatever they told me. When both decisions sound okay, that is logical right? Just someone tell me what to do!!!! I tried to get my mom or dad to do that, but they refused, not because they didn't want to necessarily (but I do believe you didn't want to, right Mama?) But more because they believe in me. They believes that I am capable and that, more than I give myself credit for, I can make decisions. I have been practicing for years. I would have gladly allowed this sister to decide for me. She is wise and knows me well. But she didn't want to either - because she has made it almost all the way through her twenties and lived well and sees the value in these moments - in learning about yourself and knowing yourself and growing into yourself. I would have even let my baby sister choose for me, but she, too, could see the development happening inside of me and as my biggest fan, was confident that I could do it.

I, however, couldn't see what they saw. I couldn't see the ability. I could only see the problem. 

But honestly, these are the people we need around when the world gets blurry, when we can't seem to see straight and things are too overwhelming. Sometimes you just need people who will let you ugly cry and not judge you for making decisions hard. And they will even sympathize with you and agree that this one really is a hard decision and they may not envy you, but they believe in you and they believe in your God who will not forsake you and they believe in the Holy Spirit inside of you who will guide you. Because the world is super overwhelming. And sometimes we don't know what we're doing or where we're going. Toward the end of the conversation, my oldest sister asked if she could pray for me. (To quote some great friends, "Has it come to this?!") I wish I could tell you that prayer was my first instinct, but this time I thought I could do it - silly me. No. I couldn't. I needed the Lord. I need the Lord. So Abby prayed and then I realized that more than anything I need to pray - daily - no, more like moment by moment. I need to pray. I need to be in communication with the God who created me and who gives peace. I went later to a coffee shop and was reminded of this scripture:

But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid... John 14

Peace. He gives peace. I am sure of it. And now the decision is all over with. And the world didn't end. He sustains me and He guides me. Thank goodness I am not just left up to myself.

Come thou fount of every blessing. Tune my heart to sing thy grace.
Streams of mercy never ceasing call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it. Mount of thy unchanging love.