Rude Awakening

Well it happened. I should have known it was coming. I dealt with this same situation twice last week, though not to this severity, but still it surprised me. I was driving to work this morning feeling like things were normal. I left late, eyes half open, had my cup of coffee in the car, and got a phone call from one of the sweetest people I know (she calls me every morning like clockwork - oh how I will miss when she no longer goes to work early). Just a normal Wednesday. As we were chatting and I was moving in and out of traffic, I felt it. My eyes began to open a little more than is usual for this time of day as something began creepy crawling up my arm. I panicked, freaked out and shook my arm until whatever-it-was was gone - then proceeded with the conversation. A few minutes later it happened again. This time on my other arm. Whatever-it-was had traveled across the car somehow and was now tip-toeing up my left arm. So naturally, I panicked, freaked out and shook my arm until whatever-it-was was gone - then proceeded with the conversation. Now my eyes were almost all the way open (you have to understand it takes a small army to get me really awake). Then it happened again. But this time whatever-it-was decided to go in for the kill as it snuck DOWN MY FACE. Yes. I said it - Down. My. FACE. This was not a good experience. This time I freaked out, panicked, dropped the phone and shook my head until whatever-it-was was gone - then we proceeded with the conversation. Although now I was completely awake and not a happy camper. I still had not gotten a good look at whatever-it-was so I wasn't even sure how to approach dealing with it. As we continued talking I tried to stay focused but was sure this creature was still in my car somewhere probably about to crawl down my back or across my neck (even now I am shuddering at the thought). Needless to say I am not so sure what the sweetheart on the other end of the line was talking about. In my defense, after three freakouts she knew what was going on and I'm sure would sympathize with my lack of attention to her stories. So I thought up a master plan to search my car when I got to work, find whatever-it-was and destroy it. But then I actually saw it. This time plain and clear. A part white and part transparent creature with eight legs and a small body was spinning a web in and around my steering wheel and now I was mad. At this point the phone call became my last priority. (List goes: 1. Do not get in a car wreck 2. Do not get bit 3. Kill it 4. Phone call) I had to accomplish my master plan earlier than anticipated. Those legs were moving fast and I could tell this spider had one mission - to spin a web all around me until I was wound up tight and carried off to a little spider village. Well, not today little man! I put the phone down, slipped off my shoe, raised it up high and SPLAT! Poor guy didn't even see the red ballet flat coming. I felt a little guilty afterward because I am bigger than it, but it was trying to kill me so I think this falls under the self defense category. I would like to say a sincere apology to little man's family and friends (all of whom probably live in my car and have spent the better part of today scheming their revenge. Oh dear.) And since I was so late for work I didn't even have time to clean off the spider guts that were left behind. Gross. Somehow I am going to have to get all spiders out of my car and make sure they do not come back... That or invest in a fly slapper- now that would've come in handy. So the moral of this story? Next time you see someone driving like a maniac just remember they might be under attack so be patient while they destroy whatever-it-was. They're doing the best they can!