Confession: every time I type the word fluorescent I get the squiggly red line because I cannot for the life of me spell it correctly. Honestly though I am okay with that. It is not a word I feel like I need in my vocabulary. I would like to have a conversation with the person who decided to use fluorescent lights in office buildings. I believe that it might be the cause of so many people being unhappy at work. Why not just put sky lights in the office so that people can have a shot at seeing the sun every once in awhile, huh? I mean seriously. In my office I have these teeny tiny windows that are like 10 feet off the ground so even adjusting the blinds is not happening. Maybe I should get one of those long cane-like poles with the grabber on the end so that I can reach... or maybe the person who built this office should have really thought this through! Instead they put windows way too high, that barely let any light in anyway and two massive fluorescent (squiggly line again) lights in the ceiling. Yesterday these lights really got to me. I was truly just fowl at work. And since I don't want to blame the lack of sleep the night before, I decided to blame the lights. At about 1pm I was in serious need of more caffeine and just over the day. Unfortunate because the real part of my day happens at like 2:30 so I needed a drastic attitude adjustment. I left work, not intending to really change the mood, but drove with my windows down, blaring country music, as a last ditch effort to turn it around. As I pulled into Sonic, I got a heytell from one of my best friends asking if I thought she should get a Sonic drink since she was having a rough day. Great minds think alike - I'm sure she has fluorescent lights hovering over her all day too. Of course I told her that she absolutely should go to Sonic, which I'm sure she probably expected. Typically I get heytell questions from her when she already knows my answer and just wants someone to approve of the decision (should I get another cup of coffee? always yes. is it time for dr pepper? absolutely. is ice cream in the plan for tonight? it is now! do you think i should buy a new dress? pair of shoes? jewelry? text me a pic but 9 times out of 10, affirmative.) Somehow just hearing from her made my cold, fierce, dont-talk-to-me-I-want-to-go-back-to-bed self soften a little. Then the guy at Sonic asked if I was moving because literally I have a car packed full of stuff. I giggled - nope this is just how my car looks on a normal Wednesday. He was embarrassed and so was I - just a little. But I laughed and then the shell broke.
So with my vanilla dr pepper in hand, Taylor Swift on the radio, windows down and 70 degree weather, I drove. And let myself forget about the fluorescent lights and emails and phone calls. It was sort of like hitting reset on the whole day. Saying, this morning was not really who I want to be so let's start over - retry. Sometimes I let myself sit in the rut and sometimes I don't under any circumstance want to be talked out of my fowl mood, but sometimes I'll let it fizzle out and sometimes I'll decide to allow a circumstance to adjust the frame of mind and honestly - that's a decision I never regret.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
grace has a name
This song has been running through my head all morning... I don't know who sings it so I am not sure who the credit goes to but here are the words I can remember...
You are the Light, Bethlehem's Son, Hope of the World, The Glorious One.
The Savior to all is with us tonight. You are the Light.
Now the whole world will not be the same cause Love has come down and Grace has a name.
The name of the child is Jesus Christ. You are the Light.
Today is the 4th anniversary of the day my best friend's mother went to meet the Savior of the world. Still I have a hard time believing that this actually happened and will forever be a part of the life story of one of the most incredible women I know. Tricia Bradley was one of the kindest, most compassionate, caring, hilarious people and all who knew her were blessed because of her hopeful nature. She used to pull through the drive through at Wendy's just because she was in the mood for some french fries and if she knew I would be hanging out at her house (as I did most afternoons my senior year), she would share some with me - a woman after my own heart! Her laugh filled the kitchen and living room at the Bradley house and she warmly greeted everyone that came through the door. She actually knew the friends of her kids - not like our names, but who we were and what we were all about. She faithfully attended prayer groups to seek wisdom for parenting and protection for her kids. She encouraged everyone she knew to pursue a deeper faith and understanding of the One True God and gave advice not only when asked but also when needed (rarely did the two happen at the same time). She taught me how to ice a cake when her daughter and I insisted on baking cakes in the shapes of letters for our friend's birthdays. She walked through pain beautifully, hopeful and confident in the truth she treasured. She sent care packages to college for Amanda (and luckily taught her to share) and when I asked, she would talk to me on the phone, even though really she had called to talk to her daughter. She was always busy, but still always had time for long talks or shopping trips. Soon after she went home, I remember hoping that time would just stand still - that if only we could stay close to the actual date of her goodbye to earth, we would never forget who she was or what she wanted so badly to teach us. But as always, time went on. People would say that time would heal a lot and maybe it has, but I would hate to give time too much credit. The thing is that there is no way I would be who I am or have made it this far without the Lord's protection and provision in my life and the life of my friend's. My dear friend, who has courageously taken steps in this journey that she was called to, has in many ways become like the woman who raised her. She was given her eyes and smile and hints of her voice, but the older we get, the more I can see her mom's caring heart and compassionate spirit in the way Amanda loves the people around her. It is an incredible gift that only the Lord could have given. So today I will remember Mama Bradley and her unique ability to make me feel welcome and valued, but I will also remember that I have seen and experienced tangible grace. The credit for the major steps that have been taken in my life and my friend's can only go to the Hope of the World. I am thankful today that Grace has a name and that I am able to walk in communion with Him daily.
You are the Light, Bethlehem's Son, Hope of the World, The Glorious One.
The Savior to all is with us tonight. You are the Light.
Now the whole world will not be the same cause Love has come down and Grace has a name.
The name of the child is Jesus Christ. You are the Light.
Today is the 4th anniversary of the day my best friend's mother went to meet the Savior of the world. Still I have a hard time believing that this actually happened and will forever be a part of the life story of one of the most incredible women I know. Tricia Bradley was one of the kindest, most compassionate, caring, hilarious people and all who knew her were blessed because of her hopeful nature. She used to pull through the drive through at Wendy's just because she was in the mood for some french fries and if she knew I would be hanging out at her house (as I did most afternoons my senior year), she would share some with me - a woman after my own heart! Her laugh filled the kitchen and living room at the Bradley house and she warmly greeted everyone that came through the door. She actually knew the friends of her kids - not like our names, but who we were and what we were all about. She faithfully attended prayer groups to seek wisdom for parenting and protection for her kids. She encouraged everyone she knew to pursue a deeper faith and understanding of the One True God and gave advice not only when asked but also when needed (rarely did the two happen at the same time). She taught me how to ice a cake when her daughter and I insisted on baking cakes in the shapes of letters for our friend's birthdays. She walked through pain beautifully, hopeful and confident in the truth she treasured. She sent care packages to college for Amanda (and luckily taught her to share) and when I asked, she would talk to me on the phone, even though really she had called to talk to her daughter. She was always busy, but still always had time for long talks or shopping trips. Soon after she went home, I remember hoping that time would just stand still - that if only we could stay close to the actual date of her goodbye to earth, we would never forget who she was or what she wanted so badly to teach us. But as always, time went on. People would say that time would heal a lot and maybe it has, but I would hate to give time too much credit. The thing is that there is no way I would be who I am or have made it this far without the Lord's protection and provision in my life and the life of my friend's. My dear friend, who has courageously taken steps in this journey that she was called to, has in many ways become like the woman who raised her. She was given her eyes and smile and hints of her voice, but the older we get, the more I can see her mom's caring heart and compassionate spirit in the way Amanda loves the people around her. It is an incredible gift that only the Lord could have given. So today I will remember Mama Bradley and her unique ability to make me feel welcome and valued, but I will also remember that I have seen and experienced tangible grace. The credit for the major steps that have been taken in my life and my friend's can only go to the Hope of the World. I am thankful today that Grace has a name and that I am able to walk in communion with Him daily.
Monday, December 3, 2012
a little late but still thankful
Somehow December crept up on me. I knew it was coming and had braced myself for this season, but still I am in awe that today is December 3rd. I laid in bed last night regretting not writing a Thanksgiving blog over the long break that I had. There were several moments that if I could have frozen them, taken a picture and posted it, I would have because they were so beautiful. And I wanted to share them with the world. Holidays are definitely different as an adult- some things sweeter and some more obviously harsh than I ever knew they would be. Thankfully, time with my sisters has grown more and more precious. This past break we got a lot of time together - more than most breaks - and we know it won't happen this way every time so even in the moment we reminded ourselves to be incredibly thankful. There are times when we look back on times together and somehow the memory is sweeter than the time actually was. However, this time, that is not the case. We were aware in the moment of how precious this time together really was. Someone would pause mid conversation, just to take in the laughter and lighthearted voices, as we played Rummikub or Phase 10 and would say, almost at a whisper we are so blessed. and, truly, we are. There is much to be thankful for so even though I missed the golden opportunity to publicly declare my Thanksgiving list, I still think it's important so I am going to claim a "better late than never" on this one and just go for it...
1. My family, who demonstrates grace and patience to me daily and are truly beautiful. We're not perfect, but I wouldn't want to be a part of any other mess.
2. Amanda, who knows my secrets and loves me anyway - and for her husband, Will, who sacrifices time with the most precious one in his life so that my best friend and I can still have time together.
3. My roommates, who have to endure my verbal unloading of the struggles throughout my day and who willingly share in celebrations and pain.
4. This current bizarre stage of life - because even though I wonder sometimes how long I will feel like I'm in transition (maybe all of life is just that...), I have experienced grace and a deeper faith because of it.
5. Baby Caleb, who even in his mother's womb has already reminded me several times of the faithfulness that God promises. I am overwhelmed with joy as I hope for the day I get to meet him.
6. Sounds and smells of Thanksgiving Day, that my wonderful hostess of a Mama allows to flow through the halls and rooms of her house each year - rejoicing, weeping, fighting, laughing - scents of home-cooked foods and apple pies, as the women rush around preparing dishes while my dad bravely carves the turkey.
7. Late nights and a job that gives me holiday breaks so that I can enjoy them. Sometimes my favorite conversations occur over a simple card game, a dr. pepper and you've got mail (usually beginning at midnight) with one of my favorite people.
8. Coffee. There is something so soothing about holding a warm mug and letting yourself ease into the day while sitting at a familiar kitchen table, with the people you love most.
9. Dancing, with my sisters, cousins, their kids or friends, to Taylor Swift's new album and loving the freedom to laugh and enjoy each other.
10. Beauty - whether it's in people, things, nature, actions, voices, or sights, it reminds me that the God of The Universe sees me. He fought a battle for me once before and he will again. Beauty gives me hope that there is something so much greater to look forward to.
So even though Thanksgiving has passed, don't forget the things you had reminded yourself to be thankful for. Don't forget the many reasons you have to celebrate. And when you do forget, or when the fluorescent lights in your office or school are blocking the memory, step outside, close your eyes and stand in the sunshine. Then slowly allow yourself to sink back in to the mindset that you don't deserve even this moment, but you've been given a gift.
And then, remind yourself to be thankful.
1. My family, who demonstrates grace and patience to me daily and are truly beautiful. We're not perfect, but I wouldn't want to be a part of any other mess.
2. Amanda, who knows my secrets and loves me anyway - and for her husband, Will, who sacrifices time with the most precious one in his life so that my best friend and I can still have time together.
3. My roommates, who have to endure my verbal unloading of the struggles throughout my day and who willingly share in celebrations and pain.
4. This current bizarre stage of life - because even though I wonder sometimes how long I will feel like I'm in transition (maybe all of life is just that...), I have experienced grace and a deeper faith because of it.
5. Baby Caleb, who even in his mother's womb has already reminded me several times of the faithfulness that God promises. I am overwhelmed with joy as I hope for the day I get to meet him.
6. Sounds and smells of Thanksgiving Day, that my wonderful hostess of a Mama allows to flow through the halls and rooms of her house each year - rejoicing, weeping, fighting, laughing - scents of home-cooked foods and apple pies, as the women rush around preparing dishes while my dad bravely carves the turkey.
7. Late nights and a job that gives me holiday breaks so that I can enjoy them. Sometimes my favorite conversations occur over a simple card game, a dr. pepper and you've got mail (usually beginning at midnight) with one of my favorite people.
8. Coffee. There is something so soothing about holding a warm mug and letting yourself ease into the day while sitting at a familiar kitchen table, with the people you love most.
9. Dancing, with my sisters, cousins, their kids or friends, to Taylor Swift's new album and loving the freedom to laugh and enjoy each other.
10. Beauty - whether it's in people, things, nature, actions, voices, or sights, it reminds me that the God of The Universe sees me. He fought a battle for me once before and he will again. Beauty gives me hope that there is something so much greater to look forward to.
So even though Thanksgiving has passed, don't forget the things you had reminded yourself to be thankful for. Don't forget the many reasons you have to celebrate. And when you do forget, or when the fluorescent lights in your office or school are blocking the memory, step outside, close your eyes and stand in the sunshine. Then slowly allow yourself to sink back in to the mindset that you don't deserve even this moment, but you've been given a gift.
And then, remind yourself to be thankful.
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